


we've got chemistry

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Recreational Drinking, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Slow(ish) Burn, Texting, chat fic, muggle private school, non-magic au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22782418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Harry spends his last year of school wondering why in the world he's not mad about being Draco Malfoy's lab partner. What doesn't help? The fact that Harry can't seem to stop texting said lab partner back.(aka: a text fic featuring a modernized, muggle AU of hogwarts. it's really just a shitpost if we're being honest)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> evening folks! this is the first harry potter work i've published on ao3, and it's also the first text-fic i've ever written and planned on completing! i really enjoy reading these because of how quick and to-the-point they are, so i figured i'd try one just for fun. please don't hesitate to leave feedback, and, as always, enjoy :)
> 
>  _username key:_  
>  **h.pots** \- harry potter  
>  **granger.danger** \- hermione granger  
>  **roonil-wazlib** \- ron weasley  
>  **draco-malfoy** \- draco malfoy  
>  **bitch-tits** \- pansy parkinson  
>  **zabean** \- blaise zabini  
>  **hermit.crabbe** \- vincent crabbe  
>  **gar.goyle** \- gregory goyle  
>  **nott-good-enough** \- theodore nott  
>  **million.bullhorn** \- millicent bulstrode

_bitch-tits added draco-malfoy, zabean, hermit.crabbe, gar.goyle, million.bullhorn, & nott-good-enough to group  
[7:18 am] _

**bitch-tits:** wakey wakey  
**bitch-tits:** eggs and bakey

 **zabean:** ??

 **hermit.crabbe:** what is this

 **bitch-tits:** are u serious

 **million.bullhorn:** yeah wait what is this  
**million.bullhorn:** and jfc why are you up already it's saturday

 **bitch-tits:** i could ask u the same thing 

_bitch-tits named group “slytherin pride!1!!”_

**bitch-tits:** morons

 **zabean:** oh

 **hermit.crabbe:** oh

 **million.bullhorn:** oh

 **draco-malfoy:** can you all shut up

 **bitch-tits:** draco!!

 **draco-malfoy:** good morning bitch tits  
**draco-malfoy:** what is the meaning of this

 **zabean:** it's our house group chat

 **draco-malfoy:** oh  
**draco-malfoy:** but school hasn’t started yet

 **bitch-tits:** i was going to ask what time everyone is arriving tmrw until u barged in

 **draco-malfoy:** you added me

 **bitch-tits:** and?  
**bitch-tits:** seriously tho what time are u all getting to campus

 **zabean:** i’m driving out after breakfast so probably 3?

 **million.bullhorn:** same here

 **hermit.crabbe:** same

 **draco-malfoy:** my train arrives at 6

 **zabean:** train?

 **bitch-tits:** ur dad isn’t driving u??

 **draco-malfoy:** not this year

 **bitch-tits:** hm

 **nott-good-enough:** morning everyone

 **zabean:** gm theo

 **draco-malfoy:** hi theo

 **nott-good-enough:** what are we talking about?

 **bitch-tits:** arrival times for tomorrow  
**bitch-tits:** does no one here know how to scroll up?

 **nott-good-enough:** i’ll be there at supper

 **gar.goyle:** me too

 **bitch-tits:** perfect  
**bitch-tits:** so who’s bringing alcohol

 **draco-malfoy:** um

 **gar.goyle:** on the first night??

 **zabean:** i can  
**zabean:** but why exactly?

 **bitch-tits:** it’s our last year!! we need to celebrate

 **draco-malfoy:** isn’t celebration more opportune when the year is ending?

 **bitch-tits:** no, think about it! this is our last first night before school starts

 **hermit.crabbe:** what

 **bitch-tits:** our last first night before school starts

 **gar.goyle:** come again? 

**draco-malfoy:** good god  
**draco-malfoy:** pans i appreciate the sentiment but i’d rather not spend my last first day of school hungover

 **bitch-tits:** no one ever said we had to get drunk  
**bitch-tits:** just a little tipsy :)

 **million.bullhorn:** you’re ridiculous 

**zabean:** what kind of alcohol?  
**zabean:** i have wine, cheap vodka, and half a bottle of scotch 

**draco-malfoy:** wine  
**draco-malfoy:** not that i’ll be having any, of course

 **nott-good-enough:** what he said

 **bitch-tits:** wine is fine with me 

**zabean:** wine it is 

**hermit.crabbe:** we could get in trouble though?? i heard that staff is doing bed checks now

 **draco-malfoy:** vince when has getting in trouble ever stopped you from doing anything  
**draco-malfoy:** ever

 **hermit.crabbe:** fair 

**bitch-tits:** thank u for ur contribution blaise bless ur soul  
**bitch-tits:** so!!! are u guys ready for the best year of ur lives!!?

 **zabean:** no

 **draco-malfoy:** no

 **million.bullhorn:** no

 **hermit.crabbe:** no

 **nott-good-enough:** no

 **gar.goyle:** yes  
**gar.goyle:** i mean no

 **bitch-tits:** ok jeez fuck u too 

____

_granger.danger renamed group “ The Golden Trio Returns”  
[12:03 pm]_

**granger.danger:** Are you guys excited!?

 **roonil.wazlib:** bloody hell

 **h.pots:** the golden trio returns where?

 **granger.danger:** To school!!

 **h.pots:** bloody hell 

**granger.danger:** Oh come on! You’re not even a little excited?

 **roonil.wazlib:** i don’t think my brain has the ability to be excited about school 

**h.pots:** yeah um  
**h.pots:** i’m siding with ron on this one 

**granger.danger:** You disappoint me. It’s our last year! There’s so much to look forward to.

 **roonil.wazlib:** such as?

 **granger.danger:** Well, for one, you get to see me.  
**granger.danger:** I haven’t seen either of you in ages!

 **h.pots:** you saw us two weeks ago 

**granger.danger:** But that was before I left for Nepal! It felt a lot longer than two weeks.

 **roonil.wazlib:** just because there’s a time change doesn’t mean it moves slower, mione

 **granger.danger:** Shut up, I know that.  
**granger.danger:** What time do you arrive tomorrow?

 **h.pots:** molly’s dropping us at King’s Cross at 11

 **roonil.wazlib:** are u taking the train too mione?

 **granger.danger:** I am. 

**h.pots:** brill. oh also can u bring along my earbuds? i forgot i left them with u before u left

 **granger.danger:** My parents didn’t mail them back to you?

 **h.pots:** nope

 **granger.danger:** Sometimes I feel like I’m raising my parents, not the other way around.  
**granger.danger:** Don’t tell them I said that.

 **roonil.wazlib:** too late just got off the phone with mama granger  
**roonil.wazlib:** she says she’s very disappointed in u and she expects a handwritten apology  
**roonil.wazlib:** and also chocolates  
**roonil.wazlib:** but make the address out to the Weasley household 

**granger.danger:** I’ve changed my mind.  
**granger.danger:** I don’t miss you a single bit. 

**h.pots:** euhgh  
**h.pots:** get a room

____

_private message with roonil.wazlib  
[5:58 pm]_

**h.pots:** did molly make dinner 

**roonil.wazlib:** come see for yourself  
**roonil.wazlib:** lazy arse

 **h.pots:** ron  
**h.pots:** don’t make me come down  
**h.pots:** it’s so far  
**h.pots:** ron  
**h.pots:** ron

 **roonil.wazlib:** jfc  
**roonil.wazlib:** yes she made dinner 

**h.pots:** score!  
**h.pots:** ok thank u i’ll be down in like 2 mins

 **roonil.wazlib:** i hate u  
**roonil.wazlib:** what are u doing up there anyway??

 **h.pots:** packing, like u should be 

**roonil.wazlib:** oh really  
**roonil.wazlib:** “packing”  
**roonil.wazlib:** i don’t think “packing” involves lying in bed and texting that girl u met at work 

**h.pots:** shut up  
**h.pots:** that’s not what i’m doing

 **roonil.wazlib:** so if i came up the stairs right now u wouldn’t be lying in bed texting that girl from work?

 **roonil.wazlib:** harry?

 **h.pots:** sorry i was responding to someone else  
**h.pots:** wait 

**roonil.wazlib:** case closed. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _username key:_  
>  **h.pots** \- harry potter  
>  **granger.danger** \- hermione granger  
>  **roonil-wazlib** \- ron weasley  
>  **draco-malfoy** \- draco malfoy  
>  **zabeanbitch-tits** \- pansy parkinson  
>  **hermit.crabbe** \- vincent crabbe  
>  **gar.goyle** \- gregory goyle  
>  **million.bullhorn** \- millicent bulstrode  
>  **nott-good-enough** \- theodore nott

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[10:52]_

**h.pots:** hermione r u at the station? molly just dropped us off

 **granger.danger:** I’m here. Where are you?

 **h.pots:** near the vending machines by the front stairs  
**h.pots:** ron’s wearing his latest christmas sweater  
**h.pots:** it’s bright yellow u can’t miss it

 **granger.danger:** I don’t see you??

 **h.pots:** ron’s jumping and waving his arms  
**h.pots:** he looks mental  
**h.pots:** u really can’t miss it 

**granger.danger:** Oh wait

 **h.pots:** told u

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[10:59 am]_

**bitch-tits:** which train are u taking?

_[11:30 am]_

**bitch-tits:** draco??

 **draco-malfoy:** sorry  
**draco-malfoy:** i’m getting on near oxford then transferring at edinburgh. why?

 **bitch-tits:** oxford?  
**bitch-tits:** no reason, just thinking i could meet u somewhere 

**draco-malfoy:** you’re welcome to ride with me, but i don’t know why you’d ever do that  
**draco-malfoy:** you live so much closer 

**bitch-tits:** yeah but still, it’s been a while

 **draco-malfoy:** aww are you admitting that you miss me?!

 **bitch-tits:** no i didn’t say that

 **draco-malfoy:** you didn’t have to  
**draco-malfoy:** i don’t believe it. bitch tits misses me. i’m swooning :’)

 **bitch-tits:** shut up no i don’t

 **bitch-tits:** ok maybe just a little  
**bitch-tits:** are u traveling alone?

 **draco-malfoy:** SHE ADMITS IT!!  
**draco-malfoy:** yes i’m traveling alone  
**draco-malfoy:** why?

 **bitch-tits:** no reason

 **draco-malfoy:** who would i be traveling with?

 **bitch-tits:** idk  
**bitch-tits:** it doesn’t matter  
**bitch-tits:** just text me when ur in edinburgh so i know ur still alive

 **draco-malfoy:** pansy

 **bitch-tits:** what

 **draco-malfoy:** you do realize that i’ve taken a train before, don’t you?  
**draco-malfoy:** many, actually

 **bitch-tits:** yeah i know

 **draco-malfoy:** okay, just making sure

 **bitch-tits:** still  
**bitch-tits:** text me

 **draco-malfoy:** bitch tits cares about me :’)

 **bitch-tits:** shut UP

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[3:24] _

**zabean:** anyone here yet?? i just parked

 **million.bullhorn:** vince and i are inside

 **zabean:** are u at the common house already?

 **million.bullhorn:** no, just by the great hall  
**million.bullhorn:** vince is checking in 

**zabean:** ok stay there i need to get my suitcases

 **million.bullhorn:** we’ll wait

 **million.bullhorn:** is it just me or did the tenth years get uglier over the summer?

____

_private message with bitch-tits  
[5:02 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** i am alive  
**draco-malfoy:** in edinburgh

 **bitch-tits:** thank u

 **draco-malfoy:** i’ll see you soon

 **bitch-tits:** go as fast as u can :) xoxo

____

_private message with granger.danger  
[6:43 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** have u gotten ur timetable? harry and i just finished checking in

 **granger.danger:** Yes, I’ll be right over.  
**granger.danger:** Are we going to the common house first or straight to dinner?

 **roonil-wazlib:** common house  
**roonil-wazlib:** i need to make sure my roommate isn’t an utter twat

 **granger.danger:** Of course you do.

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[6:55 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** god is real

 **h.pots:** good roomie?

 **roonil-wazlib:** i got dean!  
**roonil-wazlib:** apparently there’s no gryffindor with a last name starting with U or V this year

 **h.pots:** lucky  
**h.pots:** i’m with an eleventh year  
**h.pots:** his names patrick pendleton

 **roonil-wazlib:** p.p.

 **h.pots:** pp

 **roonil-wazlib:** what a shame  
**roonil-wazlib:** now we have to make fun of him

 **h.pots:** poor guy

 **granger.danger:** You’re both children.  
**granger.danger:** I’m dating a child.

 **roonil-wazlib:** careful hermy  
**roonil-wazlib:** text messages can be used as evidence of misconduct in a court of law  
**roonil-wazlib:** and when out of context… 

**granger.danger:** Good grief. 

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[7:01]_

**bitch-tits:** are u here yet? dinner’s starting

 **bitch-tits:** dumbledore’s about to make his speech, hurry up

_[7:18 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** where are u???

_[7:32 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** sorry sorry  
**draco-malfoy:** just got here, train was late  
**draco-malfoy:** where are you sitting?

 **bitch-tits:** middle of the table furthest from the entrance

 **draco-malfoy:** i see you  
**draco-malfoy:** i feel rude just running across the hall in the middle of his speech  
**draco-malfoy:** should i wait?

 **bitch-tits:** screw him, get your arse over here

 **draco-malfoy:** lovely

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[8:49 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** 10:30, room 6 on top floor of the girls’ wing  
**bitch-tits:** zabini, bring ur alcohol

 **zabean:** bossy bossy woman

 **million.bullhorn:** your roommate doesn’t mind?

 **bitch-tits:** my roommate has been daphne greengrass for the past five years  
**bitch-tits:** trust me, she’s fine with it

_[10:04 pm]_

**gar.goyle:** we’re getting in so much trouble


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Note: i've grown up with the american school system, so i have very little knowledge to how private english secondary/sixth form schools work. i'll try to be as accurate as possible, but if i mis-reference anything, please let me know! also, i've been using the term "common house" instead of "common room" because in my mind, this AU of hogwarts has houses (gryffindor, slytherin, ravenclaw, hufflepuff) for the purpose of dormitories, not for domestic rivalries. my vision is that each house has their own dorm building, and within that building the students are seperated by gender, year, etc. if that's too much to think about, then don't worry -- it's not essential to the plot. i'm just trying to make this as practical as possible while staying true to j.k. rowling's world.  
> anyways, if you're still reading along, i adore you endlessly. enjoy :) <3
> 
>  _usernames key:_  
>  **h.pots** \- harry potter  
>  **granger.danger** \- hermione granger  
>  **roonil-wazlib** \- ron weasley  
>  **draco-malfoy** \- draco malfoy  
>  **zabeanbitch-tits** \- pansy parkinson  
>  **hermit.crabbe** \- vincent crabbe  
>  **gar.goyle** \- gregory goyle  
>  **million.bullhorn** \- millicent bulstrode  
>  **nott-good-enough** \- theodore nott  
>  **bestweasley** \- ginny weasley

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[Monday, 6:15 am] _

**granger.danger:** Rise and shine boys

_[6:31 am]_

**granger.danger:** Come on guys!! I want to meet you for breakfast before classes start.

_[6:53]_

**granger.danger:** GUYS

_[6:58]_

**h.pots:** we’re up!! relax we’re not going to be late

 **granger.danger:** Breakfast starts at 7  
**granger.danger:** You have exactly one minute until you’re late.

 **roonil-wazlib:** challenge accepted

 _[7:04]_

**roonil-wazlib:** nvm challenge redacted 

**h.pots:** save me a couple biscuits

 **granger.danger:** I’m buying you both alarm clocks for your birthdays.

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[7:21]_

**bitch-tits:** can u all send pics of ur timetables?  
**bitch-tits:** so we can compare

_zabean sent attachment.jpg_

_million-bullhorn sent attachment.jpg_

_draco-malfoy sent attachment.jpg_

_gar.goyle sent attachment.jpg_

_hermit.crabbe sent attachment.jpg_

_nott-good-enough sent attachment.jpg_

**bitch-tits:** bless

 **zabean:** wait  
**zabean:** do we all have chem together??

 **million.bullhorn:** woah

 **bitch-tits:** we do!! 4th period with slughorn!

 **draco-malfoy:** we’re all in the same upper placement class??

 **gar.goyle:** upper placement?  
**gar.goyle:** no

 **hermit.crabbe:** no

 **bitch-tits:** no

 **draco-malfoy:** none of you are in upper? 

**zabean:** no… 

**draco-malfoy:** but if we’re all in the same class  
**draco-malfoy:** and i requested upper placement at the beginning of the summer  
**draco-malfoy:** oh

 **zabean:** u must not have gotten in?

 **gar.goyle:** oh no

 **million.bullhorn:** yikes

 **nott-good-enough:** oh :(

 **bitch-tits:** :(( 

**zabean:** draco??

 **draco-malfoy:** i  
**draco-malfoy:** guess i didn’t get in  
**draco-malfoy:** hm

 **zabean:** i’m sure it was a mistake  
**zabean:** u can always request again

 **bitch-tits:** yeah they definitely take late transfers

 **draco-malfoy:** but why didn’t i make it the first time

 **million.bullhorn:** one of the admin must have fucked it up  
**million.bullhorn:** it’s not ur fault

 **draco-malfoy:** but what if it is

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[7:28 am]_

**bitch-tits:** we’ll go to the admin office right after class today  
**bitch-tits:** u deserve to be in the upper class  
**bitch-tits:** millie’s right, it’s not ur fault

 **draco-malfoy:** but what if it is

 **bitch-tits:** stop saying that  
**bitch-tits:** it’s not ur fault

 **draco-malfoy:** slughorn never liked me  
**draco-malfoy:** i knew that and i continued to get on his bad side  
**draco-malfoy:** that’s why he didn’t pass along my request to snape

 **bitch-tits:** draco

 **draco-malfoy:** fucking hell

 **bitch-tits:** are u coming down for breakfast soon?

 **draco-malfoy:** not hungry  
**draco-malfoy:** just gonna go straight to first period

 **bitch-tits:** history with binns, yeah?

 **draco-malfoy:** yeah

 **bitch-tits:** i’ve got maths  
**bitch-tits:** it’s not ur fault

 **draco-malfoy:** but what if it is

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[12:10 pm] _

**h.pots:** i’m just getting out of 3rd period  
**h.pots:** we all have the same lunch, right?

 **granger.danger:** Yes, and the same Chemistry class.

 **roonil-wazlib:** 4th period?

 **granger.danger:** Yes

 **h.pots:** brilliant  
**h.pots:** where are we meeting 

**granger.danger:** I’m outside the East Literature wing. Should we grab lunch from the Great Hall and eat in the courtyard?

 **roonil-wazlib:** fine by me

 **h.pots:** mione, i see u  
**h.pots:** look to ur left

 **roonil-wazlib:** i’m already in the great hall  
**roonil-wazlib:** u two are slowww

 **h.pots:** debatable

 **granger.danger:** We’re here

 **roonil-wazlib:** woah that was fast

 **h.pots:** exactly

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[12:19 pm]_

**million.bullhorn:** are we eating in the great hall?

 **bitch-tits:** yeah, draco and i are here

 **zabean:** blaise is also here  
**zabean:** sitting right next to pansy and draco  
**zabean:** feeling appreciated

 **bitch-tits:** sorry love, we do appreciate u  
**bitch-tits:** but only when we aren’t together

 **nott-good-enough:** tough  
**nott-good-enough:** dw blaise you’re my number one

 **zabean:** thanks theo

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:05 pm]_

**h.pots:** i don’t believe this

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:05 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** i don’t believe this

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:06 pm]_

**h.pots:** we’re in the same class as them???

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:06 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** all three of them in the same class??

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:07 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** i guess we are

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:07 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** who let that happen

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:08 pm]_

**granger.danger:** I suppose it makes sense  
**granger.danger:** We’re all in the same year, our classes are bound to overlap

 **roonil-wazlib:** but do we really have to sit in these assigned seats??  
**roonil-wazlib:** i don’t want to be next to zabini this whole year

 **granger.danger:** You’re one to talk, I’ve got that dimwit Goyle as my partner

 **h.pots:** um  
**h.pots:** guys

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:08 pm]_

**zabean:** oh lord, i’m with weasley  
**zabean:** these better not be permanent seats

 **million.bullhorn:** i’ve got that priss lavender brown

 **bitch-tits:** the seats aren’t that bad

 **gar.goyle:** ur just saying that cause u got theo

 **zabean:** lucky whore

 **draco-malfoy:** um  
**draco-malfoy:** guys

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:09 pm]_

**h.pots:** i’ve got malfoy

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:09 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** i’ve got potter

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:09 pm]_

**granger.danger:** What??? That doesn’t make sense  
**granger.danger:** The seating chart is alphabetical

 **roonil-wazlib:** is it a mistake?  
**roonil-wazlib:** last i checked slughorn wasn’t teaching grammar. maybe he doesn’t know the alphabet

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:09 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** HA  
**bitch-tits:** UR WITH POTTER

 **zabean:** that’s unfortunate

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[1:10 pm]_

**h.pots:** this is going to be a long year

 **granger.danger:** Put your phones away! Class is starting  
**granger.danger:** Sorry, Harry. 

**h.pots:** me too

____

_private message with roonil-wazlib  
[4:16 pm]_

**granger.danger:** I’m heading to the library. Are you and Harry done with Economics?

 **roonil-wazlib:** yeah, just finished  
**roonil-wazlib:** how’ve you already gotten homework??

 **granger.danger:** I haven’t, I’m just meeting with Pince to discuss an apprenticeship

 **roonil-wazlib:** you’re apprenticing at the library?

 **granger.danger:** She mentioned needing an assistant in the summer newsletter, and I figured I’d volunteer.

 **roonil-wazlib:** so, what, you’re going to sort books every day for a whole year? are u getting paid?

 **granger.danger:** Yes

 **roonil-wazlib:** blimey. how much?

 **granger.danger:** ￡8 per hour. I’m only doing it because no one else would.

 **roonil-wazlib:** how do you know? i could be on my way over to apply right this second

 **granger.danger:** But you’re not.

 **roonil-wazlib:** but i could be

 **granger.danger:** But you’re not.

 **roonil-wazlib:** but i could be

 **granger.danger:** I’ll see you at dinner.

 **roonil-wazlib:** :’(

____

_private message with zabean  
[4:30 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** i have an important question

 **zabean:** what’s up?

 **bitch-tits:** do u know where draco lives  
**bitch-tits:** like the county

 **zabean:** wiltshire  
**zabean:** why?

 **bitch-tits:** that's what i thought  
**bitch-tits:** yesterday he said he was taking the train to school from oxford, not wiltshire  
**bitch-tits:** there are trains in wiltshire right?

 **zabean:** yeah of course  
**zabean:** do u think he lied?

 **bitch-tits:** no not really  
**bitch-tits:** i’m just confused. oxford is like an hour away from wiltshire

 **zabean:** maybe he was visiting family

 **bitch-tits:** the day before school starts?

 **zabean:** i dunno! why don’t u just ask him?

 **bitch-tits:** i don’t want him to take it the wrong way  
**bitch-tits:** he also still hasn’t told me why his father didn’t drive him

 **zabean:** well  
**zabean:** u know as well as i do how strained their relationship is  
**zabean:** maybe lucius finally cracked

 **bitch-tits:** cracked as in went insane?

 **zabean:** not insane, maybe he just lost his temper and didn’t want to spend seven hours in a car with his son

 **bitch-tits:** no that doesn’t make sense  
**bitch-tits:** his mother could’ve just done it if that was the case  
**bitch-tits:** why did he take the train?

 **zabean:** ask him.

 **bitch-tits:** but

 **zabean:** what harm will it do u?

 **bitch-tits:** i’m more worried about the harm it’ll do him

 **zabean:** if u don’t ask, i will  
**zabean:** he could be going through serious shit with his family, and if that’s the case he needs someone to lean on  
**zabean:** OR he could’ve just wanted to take the train like a perfectly reasonable and healthy human being  
**zabean:** and if that’s the case, he’d just say so

 **bitch-tits:** fuck u and ur wisdom  
**bitch-tits:** when did u get that

 **zabean:** i’ve always had it, darling

 **bitch-tits:** sjhjdhfk  
**bitch-tits:** liar

____

_private message with h.pots  
[9:07 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** oi oi lover boy

 **h.pots:** what

 **roonil-wazlib:** are u still talking with that girl?  
**roonil-wazlib:** the one from ur football coach internship?

 **h.pots:** maybe  
**h.pots:** why do u care?

 **roonil-wazlib:** damn  
**roonil-wazlib:** i’m not allowed to ask about my best mate’s love life now?  
**roonil-wazlib:** what is this, a dictatorship?

 **h.pots:** ahgdj  
**h.pots:** nothing’s happening with her

 **roonil-wazlib:** really? nothing?

 **h.pots:** really

 **roonil-wazlib:** ur a big fat liar

 **h.pots:** i’m not!!  
**h.pots:** i haven’t talked to him in days  
**h.pots:** her** oops

 **roonil-wazlib:** smooth  
**roonil-wazlib:** what was her name? ginny might know her from her select league

 **h.pots:** elliott  
**h.pots:** but i call her ellie

 **roonil-wazlib:** last name?

 **h.pots:** i don’t remember

 **roonil-wazlib:** i’ll ask ginny anyways, see if it rings a bell

 **h.pots:** u don’t have to  
**h.pots:** i doubt she’d know her

 **roonil-wazlib:** why’s that?

 **h.pots:** i dunno  
**h.pots:** she was kind of quiet  
**h.pots:** not really a people person

 **roonil-wazlib:** and u fell for her?  
**roonil-wazlib:** that doesn’t sound like something u would do

 **h.pots:** i did not fall for her  
**h.pots:** we just talk sometimes

 **roonil-wazlib:** mhmmm

 **h.pots:** stoppp!! don’t make me read more into my own conversations than i need to

 **roonil-wazlib:** i’m still asking ginny

____

_private message with bestweasley  
[9:33 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** ginny  
**roonil-wazlib:** ginny  
**roonil-wazlib:** ginny  
**roonil-wazlib:** ginevra  
**roonil-wazlib:** ginevra molly weasley answer me this instant

 **bestweasley:** Jfc ronald what do you want

 **roonil-wazlib:** do u know anyone from ur league called ‘elliott’?  
**roonil-wazlib:** asking for a friend

 **bestweasley:** Yeah why?

 **roonil-wazlib:** wait really?

 **bestweasley:** Yeah  
**bestweasley:** Elliott Leighton

 **roonil-wazlib:** no way

 **bestweasley:** He’s been in our league for a while, plays for the Scottish division  
**bestweasley:** He’s really good  
**bestweasley:** But why do you care?

 **roonil-wazlib:** he’s a he?

 **bestweasley:** Yeah… 

**roonil-wazlib:** ok well we must be talking about different people  
**roonil-wazlib:** harry met a girl named elliott at his coaching internship and i thought u might know her

 **bestweasley:** Oh  
**bestweasley:** He’s the only Elliott I know of, sorry

 **roonil-wazlib:** no problem  
**roonil-wazlib:** goodnight gin 

**bestweasley:** goodnight fart face

 **roonil-wazlib:** ha ha

____

_private message with h.pots  
[9:39 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** u were right, she doesn’t know any girls named elliott

 **h.pots:** told u

 **roonil-wazlib:** guess so  
**roonil-wazlib:** i’m gonna head to bed before dean starts snoring 

**h.pots:** alright  
**h.pots:** sweet dreams

 **roonil-wazlib:** u too mate

____

 _private message with granger.danger  
[9:50 pm] _

**roonil-wazlib:** hey hermione  
**roonil-wazlib:** i think we have an issue

 **granger.danger:** With what?

 **roonil-wazlib:** harry’s sexuality


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _username key:_  
>  **h.pots** \- harry potter  
>  **granger.danger** \- hermione granger  
>  **roonil-wazlib** \- ron weasley  
>  **draco-malfoy** \- draco malfoy  
>  **zabeanbitch-tits** \- pansy parkinson  
>  **hermit.crabbe** \- vincent crabbe  
>  **gar.goyle** \- gregory goyle  
>  **million.bullhorn** \- millicent bulstrode  
>  **nott-good-enough** \- theodore nott  
>  **bestweasley** \- ginny weasley  
>  **luckycharms** \- seamus finnigan   
> **dean.is.dumb** \- dean thomas  
>  **neville.lbt** \- neville longbottom  
>  **lav-bb** \- lavender brown

_bitch-tits added draco-malfoy, zabean, million.bullhorn, hermit.crabbe, gar.goyle, nott-good-enough, h.pots, granger.danger, roonil-wazlib, luckycharms, dean.is.dumb, neville.lbt, and lav-bb to group  
[6:45 am] _

**bitch-tits:** welcome to 4th period chemistry lads 

_bitch-tits named group “slug squad”_

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[6:50 am]_

**draco-malfoy:** PANSY PERSEUS PARKINSON WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING

**bitch-tits:** making friends   
**bitch-tits:** obviously

____

_slug squad  
[6:52 am]_

**h.pots:** oh

**roonil-wazlib:** er

**zabean:** good god u lot wake up early

**granger.danger:** Sorry, but what is this group chat for?

**bitch-tits:** oh granger  
 **bitch-tits:** out of every moron here i thought u would have understood best!  
 **bitch-tits:** this is a chat for homework help for prof slughorn’s 4th period chem class  
 **bitch-tits:** chemistry is a very involved hands on science, and a lot of us here happen to be lab partners. having a group chat will simply make the year’s work more efficient ;)

**granger.danger:** I see  
____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[6:59 am]_

**draco-malfoy:** pansy you have officially gone mental  
 **draco-malfoy:** what in the world made you think this is a good idea

**bitch-tits:** ur faithlessness in me is wounding, draco 

**zabean:** why’d you have to add ALL of them??

**bitch-tits:** not adding all of them would be considered exclusion, wouldn’t it?  
 **bitch-tits:** we don’t tolerate bullying here at hogwarts blaise

**zabean:** jfc   
**zabean:** i agree with draco, you’re mental 

____

_slug squad  
[7:08]_

**luckycharms:** top of the mornin to all of ya!

**dean.is.dumb:** get your irish ass out of here  
 **dean.is.dumb:** also this is really weird  
 **dean.is.dumb:** who’s bitch-tits?

**bitch-tits:** that would be me

**dean.is.dumb:** ok yeah but who are you?

**zabean:** she’s pansy parkinson  
 **zabean:** i’m blaise  
 **zabean:** i’d like formally apologize on her behalf for creating this

**neville.lbt:** Could everyone introduce themselves? I don’t have half of the contacts here

**granger.danger:** I’m Hermione Granger

**luckycharms:** seamus finnigan at your service

**dean.is.dumb:** dean thomas

**hermit.crabbe:** vincent crabbe

**gar.goyle:** goyle

**roonil-wazlib:** ron weasley

**lav-bb:** ron!! we’re in the same chem??!  
 **lav-bb:** lavender brown <3

**zabean:** blaise zabini but we’ve established that

**bitch-tits:** pansy parkinson ;)

**zabean:** we’ve established that as well 

**million.bullhorn:** millicent bulstrode

**nott-good-enough:** theodore nott

**neville-lbt:** Neville Longbottom

**h.pots:** harry potter

_[7:22 am]_

**draco-malfoy:** take a wild guess

____

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[7:30 am]_

**h.pots:** um  
 **h.pots:** parkinson making that gc is weird  
 **h.pots:** right?

**roonil-wazlib:** i mean she’s always been a little off her rocker  
 **roonil-wazlib:** it’s weird, but not really out of character?

**granger.danger:** It’s plain weird  
 **granger.danger:** But it’s a little late to stop her at this point

**h.pots:** what if we all just   
**h.pots:** left  
 **h.pots:** like removed ourselves from the chat

**granger.danger:** Do you really want to?

**h.pots:** kind of, yes  
 **h.pots:** sorry, but having malfoy as a lab partner is one thing  
 **h.pots:** being in a gc with him? completely different  
 **h.pots:** entirely new level of bad

**roonil-wazlib:** i don’t think it’s that big of a deal  
 **roonil-wazlib:** if sharing a chat with a fuck ton of slytherins is gonna keep me from failing chem, so be it

**granger.danger:** Parkinson did say it was for homework purposes  
 **granger.danger:** It seems reasonable enough?

**h.pots:** really??  
 **h.pots:** ur really not going to back me up

**roonil-wazlib:** sorry mate  
 **roonil-wazlib:** no one’s gonna stop you if you leave, but maybe consider staying  
 **roonil-wazlib:** it could benefit you in the future

**h.pots:** who are u and what have u done with ron weasley

____

_private message with bitch-tits  
[7:46 am]_

**draco-malfoy:** you’re foul. you know that, right?

**bitch-tits:** what’s the matter?

**draco-malfoy:** you know exactly what the matter is  
 **draco-malfoy:** you’re insane  
 **draco-malfoy:** i was rejected from the advanced class, mistakenly put as fucking scarhead’s lab partner, and now i have to be in a group chat with him?

**bitch-tits:** hm  
 **bitch-tits:** are u sure this has nothing to do with the fact that ur in love with ‘fucking scarhead’?

**draco-malfoy:** shut up  
 **draco-malfoy:** i am not  
 **draco-malfoy:** the fact that you would think such a thing makes me want to re-evaluate our entire relationship 

**bitch-tits:** oh come on  
 **bitch-tits:** it’s like ur eyes are magnetically attracted to him

**draco-malfoy:** woman i SWEAR  
 **draco-malfoy:** you know for a fact that i’m not above voluntary manslaughter

**bitch-tits:** debatable  
 **bitch-tits:** but if u aren’t in love with him, why is being his lab partner such a big issue? or being in a chat with him?

**draco-malfoy:** sorry, but have you ever MET the man?  
 **draco-malfoy:** he is the bane of my existence, pans  
 **draco-malfoy:** you’re aware of this

**bitch-tits:** fine  
 **bitch-tits:** if ur gonna be such a little bitch about it, then just leave the chat  
 **bitch-tits:** wish i could say the same about chem, but i know how much that grade matters to u so u probably shouldn’t leave   
**bitch-tits:** my advice: suck it up

**draco-malfoy:** pansy  
 **draco-malfoy:** i don’t have that kind of strength

**bitch-tits:** only someone who’s head over heels in love would say something like that  
 **bitch-tits:** so idk what ur complaining about

**draco-malfoy:** pansy!

**bitch-tits:** go to class, draco  
 **bitch-tits:** i’ll see u in chem 

_[7:59 am]_

**bitch-tits:** so will potter <3

**draco-malfoy:** go AWAY

____

_slug squad  
[12:09 pm]_

**neville.lbt:** Does anyone know where to get the conversions textbook Slughorn assigned? I checked the library and Madam Pince is all out of new copies 

**zabean:** he should have some extras in his private workshop  
 **zabean:** stop by his office and he’ll tell you how to get one

**neville.lbt:** Thanks

____

_private message with bitch-tits  
[12:11 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** i’m suffering  
 **draco-malfoy:** make it stop

**bitch-tits:** calm ur melodramatic ass down  
 **bitch-tits:** potter’s not even texting in the chat it's just longbottom and blaise

**draco-malfoy:** yes but every notification that i get reminding me that chat exists is one step closer to my death

**bitch-tits:** all the more reason to use it :)

____

_private message with granger.danger  
[12:22 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** hey where are you?

**granger.danger:** Meeting with prof. McGonagall in her office

**roonil-wazlib:** oh  
 **roonil-wazlib:** are you gonna eat lunch? 

**granger.danger:** I’ll grab something to go and eat it during study hall. Did you need something?

**roonil-wazlib:** i was hoping we could confront to harry about his, er  
 **roonil-wazlib:** situation  
 **roonil-wazlib:** and i thought it would be better to do it in person, together

**granger.danger:** I see  
 **granger.danger:** Do you think he’s ready to talk?

**roonil-wazlib:** i don’t know  
 **roonil-wazlib:** i mean, he’s lying about this elliott guy to my face  
 **roonil-wazlib:** he doesn’t lie usually. not to me

**granger.danger:** Unless it’s to protect someone  
 **granger.danger:** Maybe he’s covering for Elliott?

**roonil-wazlib:** wym?

**granger.danger:** Harry might be comfortable with his sexuality, but Elliott might not -- he could be protecting Elliott from getting outed

**roonil-wazlib:** that would make sense if we knew elliott  
 **roonil-wazlib:** but we don’t

**granger.danger:** Ok, well personally I think having a gay intervention for Harry is not the right idea  
 **granger.danger:** He needs to feel safe telling us, and maybe he’s not there yet

**roonil-wazlib:** but why not?  
 **roonil-wazlib:** we’ve known him since he was eleven  
 **roonil-wazlib:** almost eight years  
 **roonil-wazlib:** you’d think he’d trust us by now to tell us which way he swings

**granger.danger:** I don’t think coming out is based on trust  
 **granger.danger:** It’s based on personal character development and self-acceptance

**roonil-wazlib:** but isn’t that easier to accomplish once you’ve told someone about it?  
 **roonil-wazlib:** if i was gay i’d want to confide in someone about it. preferably someone i trust

**granger.danger:** Maybe that’s what he’s doing with Elliott  
 **granger.danger:** Confiding in him

**roonil-wazlib:** but why not us?  
 **roonil-wazlib:** is he afraid we’re homophobic or something??

**granger.danger:** It might just be easier telling someone he’s only known for a few months as opposed to people he’s known almost his entire life

**roonil-wazlib:** but it’s not a big deal!!  
 **roonil-wazlib:** he’s still harry. nothing’s gonna change if he tells us

**granger.danger:** Not for us, no. But things will change for him.  
 **granger.danger:** Just give it time, Ron  
 **granger.danger:** If Elliott is really a boy, and if Harry really likes him, then he’ll tell us. It just needs to be on his own terms

**roonil-wazlib:** i guess you’re right  
 **roonil-wazlib:** bloody hell  
 **roonil-wazlib:** i’m not a bad person for wanting to confront him, am i?

**granger.danger:** Of course not  
 **granger.danger:** You want what’s best for him, but you’re also his best friend. You’re allowed to worry

**roonil-wazlib:** yeah, but still  
 **roonil-wazlib:** i’m not homophobic, mione

**granger.danger:** I know

**roonil-wazlib:** i just want him to trust me

**granger.danger:** Listen, I’ve got to go meet with McGonagall. Can we finish this later?

**roonil-wazlib:** yeah yeah ofc  
 **roonil-wazlib:** go work your fancy scholarly magic on her  
 **roonil-wazlib:** dazzle her  
 **roonil-wazlib:** i’ll see you later

**granger.danger:** Sounds good  
 **granger.danger:** And Ron?

**roonil-wazlib:** yeah?

**granger.danger:** Harry trusts you

**roonil-wazlib:** i know   
**roonil-wazlib:** thanks

____

_private message with h.pots  
[12:31 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** you in the great hall?

**h.pots:** yep

**roonil-wazlib:** ok, meet you there in like three min

**h.pots:** sounds good

**roonil-wazlib:** also  
 _roonil-wazlib deleted a chat_  
 **roonil-wazlib:** nvm

**h.pots:** ??  
 **h.pots:** ok weirdo  
 **h.pots:** see u in 3

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[1:22 pm]_

**zabean:** could someone do me a favor and tranquilize weasley  
 **zabean:** he won’t stop talking to himself

**million.bullhorn:** maybe he’s talking to YOU and you just don’t realize  
 **million.bullhorn:** also put ur phone away i can see it from back here

**hermit.crabbe:** yeah what if slughorn takes it??

**zabean:** i could care less about slughorn  
 **zabean:** the movie we’re watching is so boring it might melt my eyes off  
 **zabean:** i can actually feel myself losing brain cells

**million.bullhorn:** at least turn your brightness down so he doesn’t see

**zabean:** fine, mom

**bitch-tits:** i don’t think anyone needs to worry about sluggy  
 _bitch-tits sent attachment.jpg_

**zabean:** HAHA  
 **zabean:** HE’S ASLEEP??

**hermit.crabbe:** omfg

**million.bullhorn:** i-

**bitch-tits:** how bad can ur own curriculum be that u can’t stay awake through it

**zabean:** im cryginf  
 **zabean:** this is too funny

**nott-good-enough:** we should ditch  
 **nott-good-enough:** i doubt he’d notice if we left

**gar.goyle:** im down

**hermit.crabbe:** let’s do it

**draco-malfoy:** you’re all morons

**zabean:** aww cmon d  
 **zabean:** it’ll be exciting

**draco-malfoy:** it’s literally the first week of school

**bitch-tits:** and?

**million.bullhorn:** it might be sus if we all just stood up and left  
 **million.bullhorn:** all of us combined make up basically half the class

**draco-malfoy:** i beg to differ there are only seven of us

**zabean:** yeah out of 20  
 **zabean:** we could just convince potty, granger, and weasel to come with us  
 **zabean:** that would make half the class

**draco-malfoy:** jfc

**bitch-tits:** everyone ignore draco, he’s just being a prude because he doesn’t want to leave potter’s side <3

**draco-malfoy:** !!!!!!!  
 **draco-malfoy:** PANSY

**zabean:** oop

**million-bullhorn:** drama

**nott-good-enough:** draco don't worry u will have plenty of time to spend with ur celebrity crush

**draco-malfoy:** shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up  
 **draco-malfoy:** you realize that he could be looking at my phone right now

**zabean:** in that case  
 **zabean:** hey pots!! fancy seeing you here!!

**bitch-tits:** we send our love <333

_draco-malfoy has left the group_

**zabean:** :(

**nott-good-enough:** twat

_bitch-tits added draco-malfoy to group_

**bitch-tits:** nice try fucker

**draco-malfoy:** i hate all of you


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! sorry for the inconsistent updates -- life's been extremely hectic lately, what with schoolwork and extracurriculars piling on top of a worldwide pandemic. speaking of which, no matter where you are in the world, please stay healthy and safe! i send my love to everyone reading this, assuming you've stuck around this far. and, as always, i hope you enjoy <3
> 
> _usernames key:_  
>  **h.pots** \- harry potter  
>  **granger.danger** \- hermione granger  
>  **roonil-wazlib** \- ron weasley  
>  **draco-malfoy** \- draco malfoy  
>  **zabeanbitch-tits** \- pansy parkinson  
>  **hermit.crabbe** \- vincent crabbe  
>  **gar.goyle** \- gregory goyle  
>  **million.bullhorn** \- millicent bulstrode  
>  **nott-good-enough** \- theodore nott  
>  **bestweasley** \- ginny weasley  
>  **luckycharms** \- seamus finnigan  
>  **dean.is.dumb** \- dean thomas  
>  **neville.lbt** \- neville longbottom  
>  **lav-bb** \- lavender brown

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[Saturday, 11:28 am]_

**h.pots:** hey team  
**h.pots:** quick question

**granger.danger:** Yes?

**roonil-wazlib:** what’s up mate?

**h.pots:** i was just talking to seamus  
**h.pots:** and he said he could hook us up with some skunk tonight for a rendezvous in the room of requirement  
**h.pots:** he wanted to know if we were interested

**granger.danger:** Skunk as in cannabis?

**h.pots:** yes ma’am

**roonil-wazlib:** i’ll have a go  
**roonil-wazlib:** it’s been a while since i’ve coerced with the devil’s lettuce

**h.pots:** he said one of his friends in the states mailed it to him last week  
**h.pots:** from california

**granger.danger:** Seamus has friends in California? 

**h.pots:** more likely a cousin or family friend  
**h.pots:** he’s got loads of family that immigrated there from ireland years ago

**roonil-wazlib:** skunk’s legal there, yeah?

**h.pots:** think so  
**h.pots:** it’s supposed to be pretty rich as well

**roonil-wazlib:** tell seamus i’ll be there

**granger.danger:** Me too

**h.pots:** fantastic

**roonil-wazlib:** is the room of requirement still open?

**granger.danger:** It closed last year because of a small electrical fire but they’ve reopened it since  
**granger.danger:** We’ll just need a key to get in at night

**roonil-wazlib:** who else is invited?

**h.pots:** seamus said anyone he knows is welcome  
**h.pots:** i think finch-fletchley and nott are bringing some people too

**roonil-wazlib:** nott from slytherin? yikes

**h.pots:** it’ll be interesting

**granger.danger:** Interesting indeed.

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[12:27 pm]_

**nott-good-enough:** ladies and gents, seamus finningan is hosting a rendezvous in the room of requirement tonight  
**nott-good-enough:** quality weed from the states will be provided 

**zabean:** finnigan from gryffindor?

**nott-good-enough:** the one and only

**million.bullhorn:** seems like something that’ll get shut down within minutes  
**million.bullhorn:** what time

**nott-good-enough:** 9:30 after bed checks

**draco-malfoy:** won’t the room be locked?

**bitch-tits:** i know a guy who has a master key to all the classrooms in the school

**draco-malfoy:** you mean the janitor?

**bitch-tits:** nah, some seventh year who’s dad is on the school board  
**bitch-tits:** helped with renovations over the summer and was basically given the key to the whole school

**draco-malfoy:** sounds sketchy

**zabean:** sounds exciting

**hermit.crabbe:** sounds like we’re all getting expelled

**bitch-tits:** lighten up vince!!  
**bitch-tits:** we’ve got to live a little before graduation

**zabean:** tell finnigan we’ll be there

**nott-good-enough:** yes sir

____

_private message with granger.danger  
[2:46 pm]_

**h.pots:** hey hermy  
**h.pots:** i’m in a predicament  
**h.pots:** u free?

**granger.danger:** I’m in the library, but I can take a break  
**granger.danger:** There’s surprisingly not a lot to do as Pince’s apprentice  
**granger.danger:** I’ve reorganized the same shelf four times and I think I’m getting cabin fever

**h.pots:** alright well let me pull u out of it for a second

**granger.danger:** Please do  
**granger.danger:** What’s up? Is everything alright?

**h.pots:** everything’s mostly alright  
**h.pots:** emphasis on ‘mostly’

**granger.danger:** What’ve you done now?

**h.pots:** well it’s less about what i’ve done and more about what i should have done  
**h.pots:** i’m sure ron’s told u about it by now, but there’s this girl  
**h.pots:** elliott  
**h.pots:** ellie

**granger.danger:** I’ve heard the name

**h.pots:** as expected  
**h.pots:** but, er, basically  
**h.pots:** she admitted something to me  
**h.pots:** and i reacted poorly  
**h.pots:** and now i don’t really know what to do

**granger.danger:** Well, what did she admit to you?

**h.pots:** that she doesn’t reciprocate the way i feel about her

**granger.danger:** I’m assuming you feel attracted to her?

**h.pots:** yes  
**h.pots:** very much yes

**granger.danger:** But she’s not attracted to you?

**h.pots:** that’s what she said, yeah  
**h.pots:** in less words

**granger.danger:** How long have you known her, again?

**h.pots:** since the beginning of summer  
**h.pots:** she was one of the interns, a coach-in-training for the little league football camp  
**h.pots:** i really like her

**granger.danger:** Why don’t you think she’s attracted to you?

**h.pots:** bloody hell, hermione, i don’t know!!?  
**h.pots:** maybe my low self esteem drove her away

**granger.danger:** Don’t say that  
**granger.danger:** I just meant, do you think you said anything to make her dislike you? Or distrust?

**h.pots:** no, not necessarily

**granger.danger:** She trusted you?

**h.pots:** yeah, and i trusted her  
**h.pots:** more than most people have trusted her in the past, i guess

**granger.danger:** How come people haven’t trusted her?

**h.pots:** i don’t know  
**h.pots:** she’s different, i guess  
**h.pots:** being different scares people

**granger.danger:** Yeah. Different in what way?

**h.pots:** um  
**h.pots:** her personality, i guess  
**h.pots:** she’s super reserved, and she’s never had a lot of friends

**granger.danger:** A reserved football coach?

**h.pots:** reserved around people her own age  
**h.pots:** she’s great with kids. adored everyone on her team like they were her own

**granger.danger:** Huh  
**granger.danger:** She sounds like a catch

**h.pots:** yeah  
**h.pots:** and i thought i caught her  
**h.pots:** but i guess the line i threw her wasn’t good enough

**granger.danger:** You’re being hard on yourself now  
**granger.danger:** Are you sure there isn’t something else that’s preventing her from liking you? An external force?

**h.pots:** u mean like a boyfriend or something?

**granger.danger:** I was thinking more along the lines of something she can’t control  
**granger.danger:** Something inherent

**h.pots:** what?

**granger.danger:** Sexuality, Harry  
**granger.danger:** Is she straight?

**h.pots:** no?

**granger.danger:** Oh  
**granger.danger:** Well there’s your answer

**h.pots:** wait  
**h.pots:** no no no she is straight  
**h.pots:** we have the same sexuality  
**h.pots:** she’s not gay  
**h.pots:** sorry, brain fart

**granger.danger:** That’s okay  
**granger.danger:** But are you sure she’s not gay?

**h.pots:** yes!  
**h.pots:** 100%  
**h.pots:** she told me herself

**granger.danger:** She told you she was straight?

**h.pots:** yeah  
**h.pots:** er  
**h.pots:** she told me she liked boys

**granger.danger:** And that means she’s straight

**h.pots:** yes

**granger.danger:** Okay  
**granger.danger:** Well, back to your real predicament -- she admitted she doesn’t like you, and you reacted poorly?

**h.pots:** yes

**granger.danger:** Define ‘poorly’

**h.pots:** i  
**h.pots:** um  
**h.pots:** i blocked her

**granger.danger:** What?? Harry!

**h.pots:** i regret it!! so much  
**h.pots:** i was just angry  
**h.pots:** she was flirting and leading me on almost the entire summer but the minute school started, she decided not to like me anymore  
**h.pots:** i got mad

**granger.danger:** There are worse things you could’ve done

**h.pots:** but i want to apologize and i don’t know how  
**h.pots:** it’s awkward now

**granger.danger:** Well, thanks to modern scientists and programmers, we have the ability to unblock someone once they’ve been blocked  
**granger.danger:** Why don’t you start with that?

**h.pots:** but what if she doesn’t want to talk to me?

**granger.danger:** It won’t kill you to try

**h.pots:** hermy, u don’t understand  
**h.pots:** i told her things i’ve never told anyone  
**h.pots:** what if she decides to go around telling the whole world as revenge?

**granger.danger:** Revenge for what? Making it hard to contact you for a few hours?  
**granger.danger:** I don’t think that’s enough of a reason to go air your dirty laundry to the whole world  
**granger.danger:** Also, what do you mean by ‘things’ you’ve never told anyone? What things?

**h.pots:** doesn’t matter  
**h.pots:** what matters is that i like her a lot, but she doesn’t like me  
**h.pots:** that stings, hermy

**granger.danger:** I’m aware  
**granger.danger:** I’m familiar with unrequited feelings more than I’d like to admit

**h.pots:** ron and lavender?

**granger.danger:** We’re getting off topic  
**granger.danger:** Truthfully, I think you just need to apologize and move on. I know those are both easier said than done, but it doesn’t mean they’re impossible

**h.pots:** i can apologize  
**h.pots:** i think  
**h.pots:** but move on?

**granger.danger:** If you want to continue being friends with Elliott, I think it’d be a lot better if you had your romantic eye on someone else. That way there’s less pressure on both ends  
**granger.danger:** Take your mind off her!

**h.pots:** how do i do that?

**granger.danger:** Well, Seamus’s party is happening tonight. Maybe you’ll meet someone there who can take your mind off things

**h.pots:** it’s just going to be us and a bunch of theodore nott’s friends, i doubt i’ll find anyone

**granger.danger:** It won’t kill you to try

**h.pots:** i guess  
**h.pots:** so i’ll see u later?

**granger.danger:** 9:30, I’ll be there

**h.pots:** ok  
**h.pots:** thanks

**granger.danger:** Of course. And Harry?

**h.pots:** yeah?

**granger.danger:** If you ever need to tell someone something  
**granger.danger:** Something you’ve never told anyone before  
**granger.danger:** Ron and I will always be here. You know that

**h.pots:** yeah, i do  
**h.pots:** thanks mione

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[7:39 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** hey ur coming tonight right?  
**bitch-tits:** to theo’s thing

**draco-malfoy:** maybe for a few minutes  
**draco-malfoy:** i’ve got loads of calculus i need finished by monday

**bitch-tits:** reading that notification made me yawn out loud  
**bitch-tits:** anway, when was the last time we got high together?

**draco-malfoy:** it’s been a while

**bitch-tits:** yeah  
**bitch-tits:** u remember what happened last time??

**draco-malfoy:** pansy… 

**bitch-tits:** good god that was a funny night  
**bitch-tits:** greg didn’t know which way was up

**draco-malfoy:** greg never knows which way is up  
**draco-malfoy:** idk pans, i’m not really jumping with joy at the idea of getting smashed with a load of gryffindors  
**draco-malfoy:** granger’s probably going to be there the whole time tsk-ing and tutting like a goddamn hen

**bitch-tits:** if u don’t come i’ll be sick in front of ur dorm  
**bitch-tits:** right in front of the threshold so you'll be forced to walk through it

**draco-malfoy:** very funny

**bitch-tits:** please come!! i’m begging u  
**bitch-tits:** i don’t want to be stuck there staring at potter’s face all alone

**draco-malfoy:** potter’s going to be there?

**bitch-tits:** yeah, he’s a friend of seamus  
**bitch-tits:** u suddenly interested in going?

**draco-malfoy:** no  
**draco-malfoy:** i’m just surprised golden boy lets himself get high

**bitch-tits:** we’re not saints, d  
**bitch-tits:** sometimes even heroes need a hit

**draco-malfoy:** he’s not a hero, he just got lucky 

**bitch-tits:** tell that to every magazine cut out of his face u have hiding back in some corner of ur room

**draco-malfoy:** i will not hesitate to strangle you

____

_slytherin pride!!1!  
[9:34 pm]_

**zabean:** anyone at the room of requirement yet?

**nott-good-enough:** dean, seamjs and i are here  
**nott-good-enough:** door’s unlocked, but you’ve gotta jiggle the hadnle

**million.bullhorn:** wow theo  
**million.bullhorn:** four minutes in and ur already stoned?

**nott-good-enough:** not stoned  
**nott-good-enough:** buzzde

**bitch-tits:** how dare u start without me  
**bitch-tits:** twat

**nott-good-enough:** no u

**hermit.crabbe:** who else is there?

**nott-good-enough:** weasley and finch-fletchley just showed up  
**nott-good-enough:** hurry upf guys i dont wanna be tje only slytherin

**zabean:** omw

**million.bullhorn:** me too  
**million.bullhorn:** why tf is it called the room of requirement it’s just an old staff room  
**million.bullhorn:** do u think some prick with the last name “requirement” paid for it or something?

**draco-malfoy:** doubt it, it’s probably just called that because the school needed some spicing up

**zabean:** maybe it’s called that because we require the things inside  
**zabean:** in this case: weed

____

_private message with h.pots  
[9:41 pm]_

**roonil-wazlib:** you on your way?

**h.pots:** yeah, be there in like 5

**roonil-wazlib:** ok perfect  
**roonil-wazlib:** i heard malfoy’s gonna drop by at some point

**h.pots:** jfc, really?  
**h.pots:** u would think that with an upbringing like his he’d avoid certain substances

**roonil-wazlib:** who knows, maybe his daddy’s a pill popper  
**roonil-wazlib:** would explain his weird anxiety issues

**h.pots:** i don’t think lucius malfoy is a pill popper

**roonil-wazlib:** could be  
**roonil-wazlib:** or maybe his mother  
**roonil-wazlib:** it’s always the one you least expect

**h.pots:** i guess so

**roonil-wazlib:** btw how’s that thing with elliott going?

**h.pots:** let’s not talk about that  
**h.pots:** i’m here

**roonil-wazlib:** me too. come inside, nott just rolled a few

**h.pots:** brilliant

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[10:05 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** i can’t believe this  
**bitch-tits:** draco malfoy and harry potter talking together? in a civilized and non-violent manner?  
**bitch-tits:** i must be extremely stoned because i'm hallucinating

**draco-malfoy:** you’re not  
**draco-malfoy:** shut up

**bitch-tits:** this is monumental  
**bitch-tits:** forget wine, we should’ve brought champagne!

**draco-malfoy:** calm down  
**draco-malfoy:** he asked me a chemistry question

**bitch-tits:** but u have been talking foreverrrr  
**bitch-tits:** chemistry isn’t that interesting, is it?

**draco-malfoy:** try opening the textbook and find out for yourself  
**draco-malfoy:** and stop texting, i can’t text and talk at the same time

**bitch-tits:** fine fine  
**bitch-tits:** i’ll leave u and ur boyf alone

**draco-malfoy:** i will rip off your acrylic nails and stab you to death with them.

**bitch-tits:** toodles :)

____

_private message with h.pots  
[11:58 pm]_

**granger.danger:** Ron and I are heading to bed.  
**granger.danger:** Have you left already?

**h.pots:** no, m outside

**granger.danger:** Alone? In the cold? Are you alright?

**h.pots:** not alone  
**h.pots:** alls well  
**h.pots:** goodnigfght hermy

**granger.danger:** Who are you with?

**h.pots:** malfoy  
**h.pots:** sharinf a joint  
**h.pots:** he’ll get me home safe don tworry

**granger.danger:** Okay  
**granger.danger:** Goodnight, Harry

**h.pots:** <3333  
**h.pots:** love love love u

**granger.danger:** Love you too.

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[Sunday, 1:39 am]_

**h.pots:** hey  
**h.pots:** thanks for tonight

**draco-malfoy:** ?

**h.pots:** the joint  
**h.pots:** and wine  
**h.pots:** and chemistjy questions

**draco-malfoy:** oh  
**draco-malfoy:** you’re welcome, i suppose  
**draco-malfoy:** you made it back to your dorm okay?

**h.pots:** mhm  
**h.pots:** only tripped once hejgeheh

**draco-malfoy:** good  
**draco-malfoy:** sweet dreams, potter

**h.pots:** u 2 malfy

____

_slug squad  
[4:20 am]_

**luckycharms:** blaze it

**nott-good-enough:** blaze it

**zabean:** blaze it

**million.bullhorn:** blaze it

**draco-malfoy:** yes, i think we’ve covered that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in posting this! hopefully i can get back into the groove of this fic asap, things have just been very hectic lately. please enjoy <3
> 
> _username key:_  
>  **h.pots** \- harry potter  
>  **granger.danger** \- hermione granger  
>  **roonil-wazlib** \- ron weasley  
>  **draco-malfoy** \- draco malfoy  
>  **zabean** \- blaise zabini  
>  **bitch-tits** \- pansy parkinson  
>  **hermit.crabbe** \- vincent crabbe  
>  **gar.goyle** \- gregory goyle  
>  **million.bullhorn** \- millicent bulstrode  
>  **nott-good-enough** \- theodore nott  
>  **bestweasley** \- ginny weasley  
>  **luckycharms** \- seamus finnigan  
>  **dean.is.dumb** \- dean thomas  
>  **neville.lbt** \- neville longbottom  
>  **lav-bb** \- lavender brown

_The Golden Trio Returns  
[Sunday, 8:34 am]_

**granger.danger:** Good morning boys :)

**roonil-wazlib:** good?  
**roonil-wazlib:** good morning?  
**roonil-wazlib:** there is nothing *good* about this morning, mione

**h.pots:** seconded

**granger.danger:** Come to breakfast  
**granger.danger:** I’ve got painkillers

**h.pots:** for headaches?

**roonil-wazlib:** and nausea?

**granger.danger:** And muscle pain  
**granger.danger:** Stress relief  
**granger.danger:** Sore throat

**h.pots:** U ARE A GODSEND

**roonil-wazlib:** i’ll be down soon

**h.pots:** same

**granger.danger:** Good

**h.pots:** how are u awake already? did u not have anything last night?

**granger.danger:** Oh I did, believe me  
**granger.danger:** But I also know how to hydrate

**roonil-wazlib:** bloody saint

____

_private message with bitch-tits  
[10:09 am]_

**zabean:** did you see who draco left with last night?

**bitch-tits:** no?  
**bitch-tits:** i thought he was with u

**zabean:** he wasn’t  
**zabean:** i haven’t seen him yet this morning, either

**bitch-tits:** weird  
**bitch-tits:** he went back to his dorm though, didn’t he?

**zabean:** i think  
**zabean:** i’m not 100% sure

**bitch-tits:** jesus

**zabean:** yeah

**bitch-tits:** we need to put a chip in him  
**bitch-tits:** or give him a little bell so we always know where he is

**zabean:** agreed  
**zabean:** have you talked to him about the thing with the train yet?

**bitch-tits:** no  
**bitch-tits:** do u think i should?

**zabean:** yes  
**zabean:** he’s been acting weird lately  
**zabean:** like… flighty

**bitch-tits:** i think i know what u mean  
**bitch-tits:** think it has something to do w/ his dad?

**zabean:** it could

**bitch-tits:** yeah  
**bitch-tits:** ok, i’ll ask  
**bitch-tits:** are we getting lunch together later?

**zabean:** if you’d like

**bitch-tits:** i would :)

____

_private message with granger.danger  
[11:54 am]_

**roonil-wazlib:** hermione i’m getting worried

**granger.danger:** What? About what?

**roonil-wazlib:** harry  
**roonil-wazlib:** and his boyfriend  
**roonil-wazlib:** girlfriend? fake girlfriend?  
**roonil-wazlib:** whatever

**granger.danger:** Has he talked about Elliott with you more?

**roonil-wazlib:** no, not really  
**roonil-wazlib:** any time i try to bring it up he evades it or changes the subject  
**roonil-wazlib:** i just wanna know if he’s okay

**granger.danger:** I’m sure he’s fine.  
**granger.danger:** Last I checked he and Elliott were going through something, though, so that could explain his behavior

**roonil-wazlib:** were they fighting? did they break up?

**granger.danger:** I don’t think they were ever together.

**roonil-wazlib:** shit  
**roonil-wazlib:** maybe we should set him up with someone else  
**roonil-wazlib:** someone who he can be around irl

**granger.danger:** I don’t hate that idea. He’s been very distracted lately.  
**granger.danger:** Do you have anyone in mind?

**roonil-wazlib:** i can find someone pretty quick  
**roonil-wazlib:** there are so many people at this school who would pay to go out with him

**granger.danger:** We’re not going to make money off Harry’s broken love life, Ron. 

**roonil-wazlib:** fine  
**roonil-wazlib:** i’ll take all the profits

**granger.danger:** Good grief.

____

_private message with draco-malfoy  
[2:13 pm]_

**bitch-tits:** hey d  
**bitch-tits:** what’s up with u? u weren’t at lunch today?

**draco-malfoy:** nothing’s up with me  
**draco-malfoy:** i’m just busy

**bitch-tits:** uhh with what??

**draco-malfoy:** schoolwork  
**draco-malfoy:** ever heard of it?

**bitch-tits:** stfu  
**bitch-tits:** actually, i have a question

**draco-malfoy:** … yes?

**bitch-tits:** it’s about ur dad

**draco-malfoy:** oh  
**draco-malfoy:** what about him?

**bitch-tits:** i was just wondering if everything was okay between u two

**draco-malfoy:** why?

**bitch-tits:** idk  
**bitch-tits:** u just never said why he didn’t drive u to school  
**bitch-tits:** he always drives u

**draco-malfoy:** he wasn’t able to make it this year. 

**bitch-tits:** ookayyy  
**bitch-tits:** but there’s nothing else going on?

**draco-malfoy:** i haven’t the slightest clue what you’re talking about

**bitch-tits:** draco  
**bitch-tits:** i mean this in the sincerest way possible  
**bitch-tits:** but you’ve been acting really weird  
**bitch-tits:** like, distant

**draco-malfoy:** distant?

**bitch-tits:** yeah  
**bitch-tits:** distracted, i guess  
**bitch-tits:** i just want to make sure everything’s ok

**draco-malfoy:** i’m fine, pansy

**bitch-tits:** i believe u  
**bitch-tits:** but we didn’t talk at all over the summer  
**bitch-tits:** now that i think about it, i have no idea what’s going on in ur life

**draco-malfoy:** not much

**bitch-tits:** r u sure?

**draco-malfoy:** yes, christ, i’m sure  
**draco-malfoy:** why are you nagging?

**bitch-tits:** i’m allowed to worry about u, prick

**draco-malfoy:** says who

**bitch-tits:** says me!  
**bitch-tits:** i just don’t understand why ur acting so strange  
**bitch-tits:** did i do something wrong?

**draco-malfoy:** no

**bitch-tits:** then what the hell is it?! help me out here, will u??!

**draco-malfoy:** if anything, you’re the one acting weird pans

**bitch-tits:** my concern is weird?

**draco-malfoy:** extremely

**bitch-tits:** jfc  
**bitch-tits:** fuck u, draco  
**bitch-tits:** i’m trying to be a good friend 

**draco-malfoy:** are you?

**bitch-tits:** i-  
**bitch-tits:** whatever  
**bitch-tits:** don’t tell me about ur life  
**bitch-tits:** that’s fine  
**bitch-tits:** forget i asked

**draco-malfoy:** that’s exactly what i’m going to do

**bitch-tits:** fuck you  
**bitch-tits:** don’t bother showing up for dinner tonight, i don’t want to distract you from your very busy life

**draco-malfoy:** fine

**bitch-tits:** fine

____

_slug squad  
[4:19 pm]_

**neville.lbt:** has anyone finished the lab report yet?

**granger.danger:** I have

**million.bullhorn:** me  
**million.bullhorn:** do u need it?

**neville.lbt:** no, i just have a question  
**neville.lbt:** are molecules attracted to the same charge or different charge? the polarity lecture from the other day was really vague

**million.bullhorn:** different charge  
**million.bullhorn:** opposite, more specifically

**neville.lbt:** opposites attract?

**granger.danger:** Yes, opposites attract

____

_private message with h.pots  
[7:56 pm]_

**draco-malfoy:** hey  
**draco-malfoy:** are you busy?

**h.pots:** no..?

**draco-malfoy:** great  
**draco-malfoy:** meet me at the lake in ten minutes

**h.pots:** what?  
**h.pots:** why?

**draco-malfoy:** just do it  
**draco-malfoy:** i have a chemistry question

**h.pots:** really?

**draco-malfoy:** hurry up, potter.

**h.pots:** why can’t u just ask me right now?

**draco-malfoy:** jesus, you’re slow  
**draco-malfoy:** my question involves a bottle of vodka i don’t plan on finishing by myself

**h.pots:** what?  
**h.pots:** why are you asking me?

**draco-malfoy:** i don’t actually fucking know  
**draco-malfoy:** just get down here before i change my mind

**h.pots:** ok, yeah, fine  
**h.pots:** i’m on my way

**draco-malfoy:** good.

**h.pots:** don’t open it without me

**draco-malfoy:** i won’t.


End file.
